Machete Kills: Bad guys battling one badass

Writer-director Robert Rodriguez’s Machete Kills features some great characters. First and foremost, there is the larger-than-life Machete (Danny Trejo). The former Mexican police officer has an incredible aura. In one scene, one of his many enemies tries to hang the badass, only to find that his thick neck makes it impossible. The film also features a random killer who has the ability to totally change his look. Alternately played by Walton Goggins, Cuba Gooding Jr., Lady Gaga and Antonio Banderas, the chameleon is a ruthless, cold-blooded killer. The bad guys outnumber the good guys here and include mad scientist Luther Voz (Mel Gibson), Mendez, a revolutionary leader with a split personality (Demián Bichir) and a madame with machine gun boobs (Sofia Vergara).

And yet, as intriguing as the motley mix of characters is, they can’t redeem the film. As the action begins, Machete is on the verge of intercepting an arms deal between the U.S. military and the Mexican cartel when a group of militants arrives and kills off his partner (Jessica Alba), taking a giant missile in the process. The missile ends up in the hands of Mendez, who intends to start a world war by launching it against the United States. Enlisted by the U.S. crackpot President (Charlie Sheen), Machete tries to get Mendez back to the States so he can find a way to disarm the bomb.

With an exploitation film like this, you don’t expect much of a plot. But the storyline here is filled so many ridiculous twists and turns, it simply spins its wheels. Sure, the outrageous fight scenes provide plenty of thrills and Trejo delivers some great one-liners with an unrivaled fierceness. But the storyline here makes Austin Powers seem complex by comparison. Still, it’s worth sticking around, however, for a glimpse of the alleged sequel, Machete Kills Again…In Space!